Life with Avorey #16: The Nike Boycott (the interview with fire)

So, it seems the latest trend-cott. I say “trend-cott”, cause it seems like every week there’s something we boycotting. One week its starbucks, another week its walmart for what ever reason. Now its football, and Nike’s turn to feel the wrath of being ignored. I think the only business in good standing is Chick-fil-A .    

I’m pretty sure in 2019, something will happen with pollution that will make us take a hard look at the air. Yes, I predict-the air we breathe will do something to piss off America.  And in our ‘genius’, we’ll boycott the air-and like…stop breathing it or something.  Yea, that will work, and we’ll the show the air. We won’t breathe it.

And with every movement and boycott comes the utter destruction of property. This is usually done to show the power that the people are suppose to or supposedly have. So in this case people have taken to the streets and set Nike apparel on fire. Or cut the swoosh off the product. Which in God’s name makes no sense-I mean Nike already has your money. This is how we stick it to the offending source?  With this as tactics to defy company’s we no longer like… makes my head hurt at how long man has managed to survive and evolve. Especially when you have people burning the Nike shoes, while they are still wearing them.

Yes believe it or not. A man with the twitter handle @Mustard, set a pair of Nikes on fire-while he was still wearing them. Needless to say, it didn’t turn out well. Even the picks of his badly burned feet are floating around the internet. So I wonder if he ever wanted to be a rapper, could we call him ‘hot mustard’.

When John Lennon made the comment ‘the Beatles were bigger than Jesus’, America went crazy. They had parties in which they burned Beatle records. Only for this ‘boycott’ to pass-and guess what. THE DUMB ASSES WOUND UP RE-BUYING THE FUCKING ALBUMS ALL THE FUCK OVER AGAIN.

So anyway, no one ever looks at the real victim of the boycotts. So today I will interview-the one person who has been apart of EVERY boycott in history. That’s right I have the pleasure of interviewing “fire”.


KAKTIS: First off  FIRE, thank you for joining me today.

FIRE: Thank you for having me. It feels so good to finally be able to tell my side of the story.

KAKTIS: So how does it feel to have been around since the beginning of time. To be such a important part of man kind.

FIRE: I have mixed emotions about it actually. I’m really a good guy if you get to know me. I just want to clear my name. I mean I was there to help God to burn the bush to talk to Moses.  I’m the reason people have great holidays, and summers. I just don’t feel I’m getting the respect I deserve.

KAKTIS: How so?

FIRE: It really set my soul a blaze, at how I get dragged into humans bullshit. People use me to light bags of dog shit on people’s porches. Racist assholes used me to burn crosses on peoples yards. I mean, I like to  you my powers for good you know? Cook outs and being the main focus during a camping trip. I’m the only element that has a long tradition of people sitting around me having a good time telling stories. Or bonfires, people love them.

KAKTIS: Understandable.

FIRE: I’m not the only bad guy. Water is a fucking douche. He floods things, and people drink him every day-like its nothing. This bastard flooded the earth-and people say nothing. No one ever downs him. And wind, always tearing the roof off people’s houses. Or tossing houses on poor defenseless witches. This shit just burns me up-how people abuse me. This mofo got Chinese proverbs made after him in his honor

KAKTIS: I understand.

FIRE: No you don’t understand. I get heated every time I hear ‘one must stay calm as the river, and flow like the stream to tranquility’. Fuck water!.

KAKTIS: Again I apologize and I under-

FIRE:  No one does. No one gets it.  I’m a bit of a hot head, so I tell people don’t play with me. And what the fuck do they do? They play with me anyway. This idiot in Bartlesville-burned down his own in protest of Nike.

KAKTIS: So life as a element is more difficult than people think?

FIRE: Fuck yes it is. I long for the simpler and happier days. Like bra burnings-oh that was the best time of my life. So many women-just ripping them bra’s and burning them-and ti–

KAKTIS: Whoa whoa!! We have censors.

FIRE: I’m sorry…I just get so heated at the abuse. You know what its like for people to go around mispronouncing your name? You know what its like to have your name repeated people running around like idiots saying ‘thats fiya’. They say that after ever damn rapper. I mean it wouldn’t be so bad-if the rapper wasn’t wack as hell. To hear ‘yo yo yo thats straight flame’, then listen to the whole album and find out its trash. My name gets taken in vain just as much as the Almighty’s.

KAKTIS: We I hope America hears—

FIRE: You know what its like to have a whole campaign that’s about your down fall?


FIRE: Smokey the bear, ol bitch ass. Mr. hey kids only you can prevent Forrest fires. When I see him in these streets it gone be lit. I promise that.

KAKTIS: Well I hope America has heard your pleas to leave you out there petty bullshit.

FIRE: Man, it is its what it is. I’m about to go fire up this tree you want in cuz?

KAKTIS: Well people that’s all the time we have today, tune in next time for another episode of “KAK’s CORNER” real soon.  Good night and God Bless



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