Life with Avorey #9: “In a world of Nola Darling’s trying to find Claire Huxtable”

For the last couple of weeks, maybe roughly two and half months I’ve been listening to Audio books. And watching random television shows from my childhood. No big deal really right? Until they start piecing together a bigger picture that I really had no idea was forming.

This whole being an introvert suffering from depression, really sort of puts things into perspective.  Especially when you’re on a ‘journey’ to pick up the pieces to rediscover and find YOU. It’s already bad enough that you even have to go on this trip. Then there’s the headache of did you pack enough snacks, is your passport valid-and did you bring enough clothes for this ‘trip’ of self-discovery.

And most importantly do you have enough money for gas on this ‘trip’. Cause the last thing you want to do is run out of gas in the middle of nowhere. And be even more confused than you originally were.

I’ve watched everything from the Cosby show, Family Matter etc. But recently I watched “She’s gotta have it” on Netflix. If you haven’t seen the original movie Spike Lee did back in 1986, I suggest you watch it first before you try to conquer the up to date stream. The original will set up the scenario and tone of the show to a degree.

To watch Nola Darling, was like watching my ex. I even got a better understanding of her mindset. A woman who was afraid of commitment, or didn’t want to commit. A woman who felt if men could do what they wanted and have multiple partners, why can’t a woman. And that seems to be a recurring theme in a lot of the shows with African-American female leads. Shows like “Insecure”, “Scandal” and “Being Mary Jane” seem to be the main three at the top of the list.

I never understood the double standard when it comes to genders. If a man has multiple partners, he’s a pimp and a player-he gets mad props. If a woman does the same thing, she is looked at as tainted. Things like this make me wonder, is it because she has the power to bring life into the world. If men could give birth, would they get the same degrading names that women are labeled?

I know we call men whores and sluts, and the names sort of slide off their backs like water does for ducks. If a woman is called one, its sticks to her like glue. She’s given a scarlet letter, or branded. It’s as if you had permanent record-it would be stamped in huge red letters.

“Between Lovers” was one of the novels I had been listening to, it was by Eric Jerome Dickey. I don’t want to give much away about the book-because it was a good one. But the main character was obsessed with the woman who left him at the altar. He tried to win her back, from the ‘lifestyle’ he had lost her to. When in fact, it was his poking and prodding that led her to that lifestyle. A lifestyle of no apologies, where nothing was forbidden. No such thing as lines crossed-a free for all involving love, love that included her and another female.

Currently I’m reading “Pleasure”, by the same author as stated. A woman who sought out sexual pleasure-no different from Nola Darling.

So with all these different representations of the “new” black woman. And it seems a never-ending battle for them, for respect and equality. With everything going in the world, I see as whole a lot of them fight battles with their education and degrees. Long gone are the days of them taking care of home, while the man wins the bread. Today, they can kick just as much ass as a man-and look better doing it.

There are no more damsels in distress. There are hardly any women left flipping out if they aren’t married by a certain age. Some are happy with being single and being serial daters. More and more, marriage is looked at as a business-instead of being looked at for love. And in some cases, the concept is as foreign as some of the languages we speak to each other.

Walls have come down and progress has been made, and it’s a wonderful thing to see. I find myself engaged in conversations, and all kinds of opinions by women. And I confess it’s nice to see a different perspective, it’s nice to take a different path on some topics.

With how things have transpired, all you have around are women chasing goals in reality. No longer chasing dreams of love and marriage-like their mothers, grandmothers and great grandmothers. Being alone is no longer looked at as a curse. In fact a lot of women these days wear being single as a badge of honor. And with the right circle of friends vow to live the “Sex and the City” lifestyle or maybe the show “Living Single”. No longer standing behind their men, but side by side as an equal.

Opinionated and hardworking, no longer passive and easy-going. They work hard and play harder. They burn with a passion and fire that can’t be tamed. There is no such thing as compromise and or settling, it’s their way or the highway. Heads high as the heels they wear as they trail blaze. So with a little more education after these last two months…I can say this with a chuckle and smile.

“Im in a world full of Olivia Pope’s, Mary Jane Paul’s, Issa Rae’s and Nola Darling’s, searching for a Claire Huxtable to marry.”




4 thoughts on “Life with Avorey #9: “In a world of Nola Darling’s trying to find Claire Huxtable”

  1. It’s funny how both men and women have such idealized ideas of who they’re supposed to be, rather than just being who they are, with no justification. Seems it would make things a lot easier, eh? But no, we put our masks on instead and hide behind mythologies that only weaken us.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Exactly. Its like we lie to ourselves. Cause some of us are so fueled by acceptance-and don’t want to be shunned. So we put on the masks, that we think may draw people near. And then we get comfortable and lose the mask-after this person is comfortable as well. Then we look around like ‘what the fuck’.

      Liked by 1 person

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